and I think twice about committing suicide. Suicide is a scary thing; I thought if I die, then problems will die along with me. But, no. Hannah Baker left everything that questioned everyone. It became long story. And I don’t like it. The series was really good. I enjoyed it too much. Probably it’s related, huh? Being alone, people don’t care, too many pressures, even about future. Fuck life. I really wanna die but I know it won’t solve any problems. Problems are supposed to get done and are not left behind. I promise I would be strong. Whatever shits happen, then I will just hang there. Putting every piece of puzzles back on its track and yeah, making all good like they used to be. I kinda like um phrases from episode 8 that Hannah said in monologue:
Some girls know all the lyrics to each other’s songs.
They find harmonies in their laughter.
Their linked elbows echo in tune.
What if I can’t hum on key?
What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
I know it sounds desperate, because yeah if it doesn’t then Hannah would still be here.
probably I just need to make my own song. I will just arrange the notes.
Probably, my melodies are made just for me.
Even they don’t hear, even they don’t listen; my song will still be a song.
Or probably they are not the people who would be with me; probably there will be another they.
I will hum with another they in key.
I will find another they to laugh with me in harmonies.
and you too.