once again

It has been days since you’re back. Through the screen I always stare and still sending me shivers when I accidentally see your name. Too bad, too far for me to say ‘Hi again!’.
No, we’re not that close. We never be that close.

What if I met you again, I wonder.
Would I still avoid your eyes since they shine so bright till my eyes only see the daylight?
Would I still pretend to be busy with my hair or scrolling the timeline that won’t even get refreshed?

But, I still feel like we need to meet once again;
or twice, perhaps.
Just to make sure that I’m done. That my heart beats in rhythm; not faster nor unusual. That the sparks are off; no stars around.

I liked you, since the day we were placed in the same room;
since the talk we had in that narrow street asking ‘you gonna be okay if i leave?’;
since i found you in the hall reminding me what i want to be in the future.

That is why I need to make sure now if I still like you or just the imagination of you;
if I’m still in love with you or just the feeling of loving you.

I need answers that I won’t even use. But, I want to know. ‘Cause I have to keep you in my nicest box along with the sweet memories that happened before; and not the need of being with you every time I catch you in my core.

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a friend told me; that she didn’t like being too close because at the end, we’d end up saying good bye.

Have you ever wondered about that?

Have you ever had a thought in your head; that you didn’t want to get attached too much because it would hurt too hard?

You need to let them go, eventually.

I had. I had it many times.

Letting go is like emptying the bottle that once fulfilled with water.

you’d be face by nonexistence; the absence of their presence,

and need to be ready with only air exploring the empty body.

How do you manage that? How do you open up your heart for someone new if what you only need is them staying here a little bit longer?