“Tell me your own definition of a strong woman!”
It was Maudy Ayunda’s instastory (she’s indonesian singer and actress). Not the exact sentence she posted, but it is the whole point. Some scenes from SKAM suddenly played in my head and this got me thinking before I decided to reply it, a long one.
A strong woman term reminds me of my new crush (been 3 months now) Noora Amalie Sætre, a fictional character in Norwegian TV Series, SKAM. If you happen to know me in real life, follow me on Twitter or Instagram, read my Tumblr (which is blocked in Indonesia now), you must be sick of me talking about her. But since I haven’t told much in this blog, then I will take my chance.
She was the main character in Season 2. Her season was about her love-interest with William (maybe im gonna focus on this more), feminism (a lil of this), sexual assault, eating disorder, and other thing that maybe I haven’t mentioned. It was begin with William trying to get her, but since he was a douche bag, Noora was kinda hard to get. Nah, she wasn’t playing. I need like 7 days or so (nonstop) to recover and to think about thing that actually not that necessary (but i did). I analyzed about her feeling, her action, her thought why she changed and why her appearance changed.
Like I said, she wasn’t playing. If we watched and paid attention since the season 1, Noora is a badass, a strong and an independent woman. She had family issue, boy issue back there and still hold up till today. She had this “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” quote tacked on the wall near her mirror. You can see how she slay, how she defend herself and also her friends.
Until, the series of event between her and William came. As a strong woman, and also having principles in her life, I can see how hard she was to finally get along with it. I just can feel that it’s gonna betray her beliefs if she just fell into a fuck boy, that easy. Can you picture this? A strong and an independent young girl, a feminist, someone who roasted William with “Stop walking around like fucking cliché!”, someone who told her friends “It’s not gonna happen between me and William.”, finally gave up and admitted her feeling. Must be a hard decision to make.
When finally she made peace with her own choice, William did other thing she didn’t like: blasting a glass bottle to someone’s head in a fight. She was mad. She believed that war isn’t a solution and it is violence. That time, I can feel like things that she held on for a long time, values and beliefs, were spilling bit by bit. Hesitation came. Till, she had a talk with Sana who told her, “I think it’s interesting that you’re saying you’re against war. War doesn’t start with violence. It starts with misunderstanding and prejudice. If you say you’re in favor of a world full of peace, you have to try to understand why others think and act the way they do.”
And the thing that we knew, she was trying hard to put her feet on William’s shoes. Applying the be-kind thing and trying to understand.
Are you still with me? …bcs I’m gonna tell another thing, hope it is relatable, well actually this is the point, hehe.
I was in a fight, an invincible one, I must say. It wasn’t throwing bottle or worse, violence. No. It was begin with misunderstanding and we suddenly acted like nothing happened. We just got along until there was distance between us. No explanation, no one wanted to speak up. We talked behind our backs. We roasted each other. We blamed each other. We threw shades some times. I felt hatred consumed me and I planned on i-will-not-care-anymore plan. “Fuck you and your little brain.” I told myself.
I never know whose fault it was.
But probably, God still cared to the friendship we built. He gave the chance.
It got me thinking like a whole morning. “Should I take this and apply the be-kind thingy?” it doesn’t make sense that the action I took just because a TV Series influenced me.
But it gets me here. It makes me to finally make a peace, a very hard decision to make, I MUST say.
I’m stubborn and hard headed (dont judge but Aquarians are fixed zodiac). I have my own principles. I feel like it is showing me weakness if I just be friend with him, just that easy, with ignoring the past, that easy. It didn’t feel right.
But here is the thing. Here is what I learnt. (learn this from skam, ofc)
Being strong doesn’t mean you have to ALWAYS stick to your thought about thing because you’ll be blinded by it. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to be stubborn because you need to learn more. I don’t say that having our own values and beliefs is wrong, that having our principles is wrong, that defending our opinions is wrong. NO. It’s also right. It’s truly right. But here’s what I wanna tell: sometimes being strong is putting yourself in every situation. Being strong is also putting youself on someone else’s shoes. Don’t be naive. But we all change. Every day. And a change on thought to make peace is the most beautiful change. No, it doesn’t mean you lose the battle, it means you are more mature on facing things, it means you focus on the big picture. I am not betraying my own values and beliefs, I’m just trying to make things right and make peace for my own inner system. Changing doesn’t always mean bad, after all.
Right now, I’m still working on it. A bridge that I burned back there, I start to build it again. I try to put piece by piece and not in a rush. It feels so weird acting like everything is fine and just bumping to each other like the old days. But, we can’t always avoid the problems. I, of course, want to be someone who knows what I want. I want to be someone that knows I got values, beliefs, and principles on my own; this is what makes us, women, very strong and undeniable. But, I also want to be kind; I want to be someone who can see other’s thoughts that are different from me. I don’t want my values hurt people because I’m just simply being ignorant.
I feel so proud for a decision I made. I feel so brand new for seeing my own growing up this way. I feel so strong for defeating the ego that burned inside me all this time.
Just like Noora did, she tried to change her mind, tried to understand what it felt like to be in William’s situation, and made a peace to her own principles.
Maybe some of you see different things with me on this case. Maybe you disagree after all. Maybe your opinion is being a strong woman is someone who can defend her own opinion. Maybe you see how terrible I am in defending my own.
Maybe this post is just a trash, unnecessary talk. Maybe I just act too much on facing my problem.
But maybe you see how it is to be like me, on my shoes. Maybe you see how my brain works.
But the point is… this is how I picture a strong woman.
(writing this just bcs i wanna say HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY on 8th March!)